Dearest friends..

Bee and I have just come from our 10 day Vipassana course in British Colombia. I am sitting here in a state of wonder, amazement, gratitude, and clarity. I sat for 10 days, all day, and engaged in a deep, deep surgical operation of the mind. I experienced pain, bliss, love, hate, anger, hostility, arousal, incessant persperation, craving, aversion, compassion, peace and truth. I worked through deep complexes that I didn’t realize were there, things I was covering up with surface level distractions like cigarettes and marijuana or other sensual pleasures.

To be in an environment with 20 other men and 20 women (segregated to reduce distraction and allow the individual to work) and we were required to have no communication with fellow students and minimal unless absolutely necessary interaction with management. What does this mean?

You are alone.
And alone you stay for 10 days. No words, no gestures, no physical contact, no eye contact. No communication. And I worked. And I worked. I worked continuously from 4:30 in the morning to 9 o clock at night. For 10 days I went through a roller coaster of wanting to run away, of breaking down and crying off in the forest where my tears wouldn’t disturb others trying to work, and a deep well of gratitude and joy as I broke down barriers of my consciousness and worked through and processed traumatic violent events and sexually traumatic events from my past.

I can say that I am healed but this is more true in an even less esoteric sense than you might think. I have found my way for myself. I no longer drink, although that has been for 3 months strong. I also no longer smoke tobacco or marijuana and take no intoxicants. I full of clarity. I do this for myself. Bee, my Love, has wanted me to do this for 9 months, although she never said so. She always gave me ample space, ample love, ample compassion to be able to be me and go through my own evolution. And I knew she needed it of me but I could not do it for her. I had to do it for myself. And for that I had to experience myself, learn myself, love myself.

To return to the statement of healing being more tangible than this mental and spiritual evolution I would like to explain how the technique of Vipassana meditation has healed me on a physical level. 3 years ago I injured my knee doing a full lotus position and ever since then I could not sit in meditation for longer than 20 minutes without the pain being so intense it was like that of a fire burning incessantly on and through my knee. I was always worried about causing more damage…more pain…more problems. Fear directed the course of my meditation and because of this my meditation had become less consistent, less intentive and for all practical purposes…less effective. Through the technique of Vipassana I learned how to observe my pain and no longer identify with it. I disassociate myself with what I view as myself and watch the pain with the clear understanding of anicca [anee-cha], which means change, and that everything is impermanent.

All things rise, stay for some time, then pass away.

This law is true and resonates through the intricate fibers of the entire universe that binds us together into a manifestation of cells and biochemicals to create this body that I exist within, for a time. As I sat and the pain in my knee grew over the first 5 days of the course I learned a simple concept… Pain is pain. Nothing more. It is not my pain, your pain, our pain, his pain, her pain. It simply is.

I am not Michael, sitting here with a hurting knee experiencing pain.

I am only observing.

This is a body. And there is pain there in this body. And I am observing it. And as I observed and abstained from reaction I learned the truth of the law, experienced it for myself. All things rise, stay for some time, then pass away. I watched as layers after layers of physical pain rose and existed, grew and fell in intensity but ultimately…passed away. My meditations begin to lengthen in duration. On the 6th day I sat my first hour without moving a muscle and with perfect posture. I came out of that hour and broke down crying, silently, in a room full of 40 silent meditators and I hugged myself. I felt my own hand against my face as if it were a hand of a lovers and not my own and in this moment I truly felt love for myself for the first time. I have always said I love myself, I have always believed it. On this day I felt it. The 7th day I had 5 separate sessions of 1 hour sittings without movement. On the 8th day it grew to 1hr 20min and then 1 hr 45 minutes. On the 9th day it grew to 2hr 15 min. On the 10th day, when Noble Silence had been broken, on the day that everyone was regenerating and no longer seriously meditating I sat for 2 hours and 30 minutes. I broke deep into myself. I have grown immensely in such a true way that it can only be experienced to happen. My resolve is the strongest it has ever been. My determination is the purest it has ever been. My strength of my Self resonates through me in such powerful vibrations that I can feel the Earth beneath my feet malleably accept my presence as I walk the path.

A 10 day course in Vipassana I would highly recommend. There are things I can say, such as you’ve read within this post, in hopes to inspire you to take action yourself. But you must know that you MUST take action yourself. The truth of this universe can only be experienced by you, nobody can tell you what it is. I can only show you the path in which I walk. It is up to you to take the first step.

May you all experience real happiness, real joy, real peace.


From the bottom to the top now we here

I have officially said goodbye to the hippie trap that is hampi. Haha Bobby! I found another one of your hippie traps 😉 there was a certain peace where I did not feel anything had to be done. My inner dialogue was quieted and I just felt wooooshahh. I just finished a 35 hour train ride from Guntakan to New delhi and now I am dead center in the hecticness of Delhi. Its a place most travelers say to avoid but we handled it nicely. We met the right people and got the right direction and we are en route to dharamshala tomorrow. Perhaps the Dalai Llama and I will cross paths. I do not feel as if I would have anything to say though. Haha. Perhaps I could run across him my book idea (do you remember Jibbles? 😉 ).

but ya man Hampi was beautiful… now I feel the mountains calling my name. The mountains are in my blood, man, there’s no escaping it. It will be a good finish to my journey. I decided to skip all the tourism in Rhajastan as I dont feel the need for anymore hustle and bustle or temples or camels or having color thrown on me amidst drunkards. I’m more of a go and stay then a go and go you know? And I appreciate my calm and aim to nurture it and watch it flourish. I feel the mountains will help pull even more new music out of me. Although at this point I’m a bit overwhelmed at everything thats flowing through me! This trip has been something beautiful, man. People asked me “Why are you going to India?” I always had trouble answering. My answer came up to be something along the lines of “When I go I will find something that is missing from me although I wont realize I have found it until after I left.” What I’ve realized through my travels and personal reflection of being here is that I already had everything I needed. I already am everything I need to be (thank you Chiqui <3) I don’t need anything special or a special experience to grow more exponentially than this. These realizations are a dime a dozen on a warriors quest for freedom and rarely remembered so it matters not. I believe that is what she was trying to say. I am present. The way things work is way too incredible. I’ve cleared most all distractions of my life and many have cleared themselves for me. I have clear purpose and strong intent and proper motivs and the energy of a child and gaining knowledge at an incredible rate. I will admit I am excited for the few months I will be spending in America. I do not feel entrapped to “Boise” any longer. I feel the ability to utilize America for what it is to me, a money game, and I have my key to the world to go to where I need to be to fulfill what I believe needs to be done. I have a call to herbalism as I’ve had for four years particularly through the medicinal plants of the shamans. I couldn’t understand why I had been dying to go to Peru for 4 years and now that I leave I come to india. I had nothing here I really wanted to see. I wasn’t even excited to come! But nobody comes to India for their first travel and through doing that I have met many weathered travelers and I now have all the resources I need to go the direction I want and I feel empowered to be able to achieve every goal I have. It’s like coming to India I have jumped through a portal and skipped years of work and aimless wandering. “Not all who wander are lost….but I was. And some still are. And that’s ok.” My purpose and goals are clear. I wouldn’t call them desires. I desire to sit in one spot and play guitar forever. that is the truth, but that is selfish. I must do something in this world more than that. Some may ask why? I do not know, I believe there is an exchange required for your desires. I believe I need land of my own to be able to create a community that is strong in the things I believe need to have more presence in this world, my green bubble. Natural farming to heal our earth, yoga, meditation, medicinal herbalism, physical growth, mental and spiritual growth, strong sense of community and art and music, man. Abundance! What do you desire to acquire? It is what comes to me when I empty my mind. It repeats itself over and over and over. I see myself adorned in feathers and beads in a jungle working in a bowl with plants of medicinal properties. Some call this fantasy, I name it calling. And so that will be my very next steps after India…for now I will sit in the mountains and play guitar. But as always that time will end. And I am prepared for that. I have developed a plan and am operating on that plan. My aura of manifestation has grown large. There’s a certain utilization of time where you can and will create your future if you know what you’re end point is. As I continue to reverse engineer from my 5 year point I see things getting stronger day to day. As I tell people what I am doing I see the belief in their eyes reflecting back at me. Some even comment on it. I wait as the rest of the world manifests my dreams. Ill end with a quote from Will Smith:

“Once I’ve decided it, it’s done. That’s it. No question. Now I’m just waitin for the rest of ya’ll to catch up.”