As I was going through my files, searching for my birth certificate (found!! :D) I found this piece that I wrote about my “why” or my purpose if you will. So I thought I’d share:
My why is because I am tired.
I am so sick and tired of doing the things I don’t want to do. Please don’t mistake this for laziness. I will do one million things I don’t want to do to get one million and one things that I want. But I am tired of trading my time, my days, my years …to survive. I want to be able to travel the world. Yes, aimlessly. But with the message of love. To change the hate and depression that is so rampant in this world. I love you. Yes, you. It is important to love and a 9-5 job that never gets me anywhere plants a deep seed of detest in my soul. I detest being told where to be and when to be there. I have my own heart, my own mind, and my own message of which to speak. If you tell me to be there …and I am there …then that is my decision, of my own accord. I am a limitless entity. I grow tired of having my fire extinguished by entities that want to use me for my time. I want something to call mine, my own. I own it. I made that. It would not be there if it weren’t for me. Why? Because I am tired. I am tired of working endlessly to die as something that will only be missed for a minute and the rain of the next day will wash away the small footprint that was left. I wish to leave a crater. Break away and break down the negativity to build up something enormous. Something that builds people up. I want someone else to look at it and say “I can do it!” Why? Because I am tired. I am tired of feeling myself getting older, but not any better. I am tired of working harder, yet not any richer. I am tired of being looked at as someone who can’t, who is barely holding themselves together. I am tired of being tired. I want to have the energy it requires to build a machine. I want to live a life people are envious of so they can ask me “How?” and I can show them how. Why? Because I am tired. I am done being tired. Why live a life not shooting for the stars? If you can see it, you should shoot for it. I am tired of robbing myself and the world of my potential. I have the heart and I have the tools and it is time to put them to work. It starts today. Why? Because I am tired. I am tired of being nothing. Don’t ever let someone tell you “You’re doing well!” when you know that you can do better. Don’t ever let someone tell you they’re proud and don’t be so hard on yourself when you know that you must be harder.
There’s a better life to live out there…and it’s just around the corner.
What’s up guys! Hope everything is going sweelllll on your side of things. Just popping in to drop a line and update on the up and coming events of Michael. Woo! Adjusting to life in Canada on a farm has been a trek for sure. I have absolutely fallen in love with Bee’s family. They are so much fun! ahh you have no idea, but maybe you do! Perhaps I will get some pictures of the events and happenings of family gatherings because they are just so exciting. Haha!
Anyways, we have new life on the farm! 4 baby chicks (no new hoes though, that was just for fun) The little black one is sunshine and the one behind her i believe is Marble? Marble might be the one looking at you in the picture. And the one in the back with his head poked up (we think its a rooster) is Hope. Ah and whichever on is not Marble is Ducky! 😀 Hope was the first born and we were hoping for more 😉 So now we have baby chicks to take care of and they are just so cute. They just go meep meep chirp mee meep and eat and poop alot. You know, baby stuff.
Ive been working more on my meditations and focusing on myself quite a bit. The working on the farm I’ve still been doing tons but took a step back about one day a week to really focus in on my Self and get my sacred circle setup and get to work on my own progress. A story in itself to unfold! more details coming as the days do.
The farm work itself is nice. We are getting so much done and we just finished our garlic harvest. All the garlic hanging in the barn is just so beautiful. It really has a special type of energy. I’ll get you guys some photos of this too. It’s so feely. And it also makes you think of vampires when you see so much garlic hanging hahah. But ya, farms doing splendid. This saturday we go to market again and do some vegetable salespeople stuff. It should be fun and our weekend is paaacked but I’ll save pictures for that and use less words.
The opportunities opening up are big and small. On the small side I’m waiting for a response from a Vipassana organization about 4 hours away in Egbert (or Barrie…something or other) to go to. Ive been meaning to go into Vipassana but it’s taken awhile to manifest a space where I am secure in all ways and also able to take 10 days away. I had the opportunity 2 other times in the last year but did not take advantage but I am now full steam ahead. I, myself, am absolutely amazed at the increase in energy and motivation I have to do things and get out in the world and experience it. I canoed a canoe a week ago and that was so fun! Just wanted to pop that in there.
I suppose the big things include looking towards the future and what the winter holds for Bee and I. We are perusing different options in regards to regenerative farming and possibly regenerative agriculture but the intensive vegetable farming again…im not so keen on. We are more interested in the food forest aspect of land and so thats where our sights lie. On Sunday we have an interview with Jim and Fiona who are on a piece of land in Portugal in need of volunteers. They are growing 1 or 2 food forests on the property with regenerative agriculture and a minimalist mindset. I used to want to be a minimalist to work a job and see how much money I can save but I actually just feel much more whole using less than the amount that my western consumption oriented mind is used to using. I went from 20-50+gallons of water (American showers use about 2.1 gallons/min) for a shower to 1/4th of a 5 gallon bucket. Pretty awesome.
Still playin guitar, still drawing pretty things, and we’re writing a book! I am so at peace but also so busy and I would like to find a better serving balance for that. I am trying to now allow myself to be so stimulated in the physical environment but I will admit it is difficult with so much going on. We will work together on this as I am sure everyone is seeking more balance in their lives ❤ Grant Cardone says “Fuck balance, I want to blow my life up!” …like blow it way up and be super successful and sell 100,000 houses instead of 10 in a year, things like this. But I feel like when you get to the place you feel you need to be you still will seek that balance. Blowing it up is fine if you’re not where you want to be and I’m not talking about Ferraris and mansions…just getting out there and living life. It can take a lot. But I can tell you… it takes more mindset than money.
Peace out ✌☮
Off again, off again…with the wind, oh with the wind… with a grin, oh with a grin… off again… I’m off again…
I am off! Ah such a tumultous series of events these last 4 months being home in Boise! I am greatful for all those I was able to see ❤ I think it was worth it. I did some good things and focused on strengthening my bond with my family. I think it is definitely stronger but my family was definitely ready for me not be in the house anymore. Haha!
I cant blame them though I must say that I am very ready to be out of there as well. You don’t realize what its like to have no space to your own until it begins affecting! Anywho, as I sit here in the San Franscisco airport I am again finding my mind gears turning. It was as if everything sorta shut down and stopped when I got back home. In all honesty I went through a range of emotions from depression to ecstacy and it’s certainly been an adjustment. I am also learning that I don’t necessarily have any way to tell people how to be themselves haha. You know? I could be writing about travelling and going out and doing things but maybe thats not necessarily right for you. It’s entertaining to read still ;D
I plan to start implementing some video blogging into my blog so me and my darling Bee will be able to keep you guys all updated on the farm life! The people who own the land are talking with us about converting the farm from sustainabole (which it is currently moving towards) to regenerative which means the farms existence actually gives back and heals the land. How cool! Why are we not learning these things? So anyways I will be creating an instagram for Bee and I so that we can use it to keep a steady stream of information and education and the goal will be trying to take pieces of this regenerative farming and see how we can shrink down, make it easy and get people to start implementing into their lives, into their backyards.
Ah it will be sooo cool guys! stay tuned 🙂
I read something the other day “Hampi is a place where if you’re not careful a few days can easily turn into weeks.” I laughed as I was already at the point where days had turned into weeks. I’ve been learning so much, guys! The world is really wide open, man. I feel elated, wide open…free, man. I don’t see any end in sight, in fact my plans are naturally coming into fruition. The temporary aspect of travelling…temporary friends that last forever…temporary connections…fast pace…move when you want..be where you want..with who you want…when you want. The world we live in puts a lot of fear into us. Makes us feel like we can’t do it or we’ll lose everything if we don’t hold on to it for dear life. I just let go of everything and let my cup empty. and man I had some sour milk in it before I was holding on for dear life but now its something like Holy water. Aghh I can’t find words to express such the way it is. Ive learned so much of where to go to make money and where to be to complete my goals. Like clockwork.
As I go along I find new ways to make money, my creative energy is blown up out of proportion and the encouragement I find to fall in love with my music and myself is out of this world. The things people say, the way they feel in their eyes. Its so alive, man. People just living from their heart and speaking from it too. If you had to experience anything I’d tell you it’s this. Freedom, man. Every step you take is a step YOU take. Not one that’s expected of you. You go the direction you choose. You be who you want to be. Nobody can tell you how to live, what to get, where to be, or who to love. I used to operate from such an attachment to safety and always being ok for tomorrow that I couldn’t be ok for today. You know what I mean. Now I walk free, man, and Ima just keep walkin.
Soon I will be on a desert riding camels in Jaisalmer, and getting colored in the streets of Pushkar during the Holi festival and trekking into Dharam Shala to play music with the Ganges. Life is beautiful, man.
Edit: Ahh, man I had to pop back in and drop a line about Chris from London. He’s a well put together chap that plays some real smoooooth jazz. We play together and I can feel the streets of London carrying the notes into our world. When we’re done playing he says “That was some great noodlin there man, very well done.” Just read it in a London accent and you get the full experience. Ciao!